Think about a time you were at your best. Now, think about a word to describe you at your best. When was the last time you experienced this?
You should feel energized in your role. You are what drives the business, and you spend most of your time at work. When you’re not at the top of your game, it affects your performance and impacts the organization. So, how can you do both what you love and what you’re good at?
In this two-hour workshop, you’ll explore areas that motivate you as well as drain you. By looking at the times you felt your best and were “in the zone,” you can identify your key competencies and connect those strengths with what truly drives you. You can then allocate your time and focus on areas that are meaningful and productive, improving your overall quality of work.
What to Expect:
You’ll receive your personalized strengths profile as part of the workshop, and through exploring your strengths and the areas that energize you the most, you’ll understand how to effectively bring forth your best self at work while balancing out any performance risks (areas of weakness and overdrive). The workshop will help you activate your full potential by positive self-awareness.
Logistics:
June 12 at Carriage House 1431 Waverly St, Palo Alto, CA 94301
June 13 at 1155 5th Street, Oakland, CA, 94607
Each workshop is open to 20 people (max three people from company)
2 hours in duration with a mixer to follow, including light appetizers and wine
$225 per participant, including a personalized Strengthscope profile (value of $395)
Not only will you get to figure out how to stay positive and productive, but you’ll have time to connect with other leaders and build your network after the workshop. Register today.
(In my previous blog post, I provided insights into the Stages of the Expatriate Acculturation Journey. With an introduction of those stages, now I’d like to share my first experience moving abroad and what my journey as an expat looked like…)
My First Experience Abroad in a Cowboy & Indigenous Indian Town
Who would’ve anticipated that from my first abroad experience that began in January 2005, I would go on to have five more international moves in less than seven years? I certainly wouldn’t have and neither would those who knew me. How did this come to be? I’ll begin with the first experience, the first in a series of blog posts.
Stage 1. Pre-departure: Am I really doing this?
When the opportunity came my husband’s way to help a company build their Mexico business and operations from the ground up, it was a challenge that he couldn’t refuse. But, what did this mean for us? What about my career? I had recently started a new position at Intel, a role that involved working with people from around the globe. The technology was complex; the stakeholders were complex; there was resistance; there was dysfunction. The role required a significant amount of influence to build trust on a project that already had a bad reputation. My first 90-days were critical to my success and the success of the project. How was I going to be able to perform effectively abroad? The answer is in the former. My team and stakeholders were global – I would never meet most of them in person. This was part of the culture.
But, how was I going to approach this with my manager? I seized the moment in a comfortable space – we were at the gym on the elliptical. When I mentioned to him that I needed to “talk to him,” he said, “don’t tell me you’re quitting.” My response – “depends…” I explained the situation, and he responded with “You’ll work remotely. Your team is global; there’s really nothing different. Let’s try it out. I can’t lose you”
Since theorganizational culturesupported a balance of office and remote work, the transition to 100% remote was an organic process. To prepare, I began to spend one day per week in the office, then I began working 100% remotely while still in the US to ensure that my team felt supported and were prepared. It was going to require a degree of trust and self-management on both ends. During the entire process, I never had one person question my decision or doubt my ability to perform from afar. I only recall support, professionally. Perhaps they were skeptical or had doubt, but it was not voiced. If anything, I formed connections with others who had also lived abroad and with those living in undeveloped countries. I don’t’ think any of us realized it at the time, but they were my support channels.
Coincidentally, I was in the process of selling my home. I was able to sell it, have a moving sale, and move somewhere temporarily until my move. I even had someone to watch my cats until I could get a pulse on the situation and come back for them.
Then came the administrative challenges – Where do I get my mail sent? What do we do with our cars? What about banking, cell phone service, health insurance, healthcare and good internet connection? That is an entire topic on its own that I will spare the details in this blog. We did sell one car; I decided to store my car for when I traveled back, and my husband drove our SUV to Mexico.
A few weeks prior to departure, my husband, Ryan, asked me if I would be flexible in going to a town called Creel instead of Oaxaca. Creel? I Googled it. A Cowboy and Indian town that is the gateway to the Copper Canyon at nearly 8,000 feet elevation. Population around 5,000 with the nearest airport three hours away in Chihuahua City. It’s a recreation mecca, the Copper Canyon is four times the volume of the Grand Canyon. Being an outdoors fanatic that I am, I embraced the idea. My only requirement was that we had a high-speed internet connection.
Ryan drove to Mexico, and two weeks later, I hopped on a plane and met him in Chihuahua. He found the only place for rent that had a phone line. This is important to mention because back then, you may wait up to two years to get a phone line. We upgraded from dial-up to high speed and ran the phone line from the downstairs laundromat to our apartment. You heard right, our phone line was in the laundromat.
Stage 3Culture Shock: Is this really happening?
Why not the honeymoon period? Two days after arriving, Ryan had to leave on a 10-day trip. Yes, two days in a new country – I am terrible at Spanish, no friends, and am learning to drive a manual car. Besides immersing myself in work (Intel greatly benefited from my situation), I quickly became resourceful. I went to the rustic Best Western and asked if I could pay for use of their spa and gym. They were bewildered with my request but accepted. This became my sanctuary, especially during the cold nights since temperatures were in the high 60’s – 70’s during the day, hail in the evenings, and typically below freezing at night.
I, then, went to a basketball game with the owner of the casa that we rented and attended a birthday party with his family afterward. When we arrived, I was offered a cerveza, and I accepted. I sat with the women (women and men socialized separately), and was the only female drinking. I later realized that the attendance of the basketball game with the husband was not a cultural norm and that in that social circle, women typically didn’t drink. For a gringa, it was, however, acceptable. The next day was a Saturday, so I drove a remote, mountainous road to a recreation area to go hiking solo. After asking several people in broken Spanish, I found the trail I was looking for. The wildness and spirituality were overwhelming.
Ryan had introduced me to a few people in the community prior to his trip, and I am forever thankful to the women who invited me over for dinner, coffee and trips to the hot springs. We are friends to this day. They provided my intellectual outlet and helped me with the day-to-day. I learned that fresh vegetables were delivered to small mom and pop markets on Thursdays, and Mennonites brought fresh bread and cheese on Saturday. Fresh vegetables consisted of wilted broccoli with pre-washed spinach as a treat. There were few restaurants and only two bars of which only one would you want to venture in. The result was that we spent virtually no money. I made hummus with lime (you could not buy lemons) and mashed them with a fork. We made a lot of soup.
However, I realized it was important to get into a routine. Since India was a core part of my team, we rotated who shared the burden of night meetings every month. My manager would check-in to make sure that I took a break in the afternoon on nights we had to work. I would take a hike, then go the gym or bicycle in Tarahumaran country (Tarahumaran Indians are known as the ultra-marathon “runners” who Nike discovered). Notice a theme – an organizational culture, leadership, and teammates that supported not only my situation but were aware of other’s situations. In India, some people took a bus two hours to work each day, women needed safe transport to work, and the monsoon season caused electrical and internet outages. I now had something in common with my counterparts there. I had empathy.
If only video conference was common then and my co-workers could see where I was working… and if only I would’ve had a coach or a community of first-timers to confide in, to tell me it was ok to have the ups and downs, to feel like the trailing spouse, to work through not being able to wander the halls.
The reality was that it was my first international move and to parts of Mexico extremely remote and highly traditional with high rates of poverty. Some of the Tarahumarans still lived in remote cave dwellings, didn’t speak Spanish and subsisted on very basic diets. There wasn’t a honeymoon period; it was humbling and forever changed me. I adventured as much as I could, and I established Mexican friendships. Even though I took the time each day for exercise or my outlet in nature, I found myself working long hours from my house with minimal daily integration and contact with the community. English was not commonly spoken, and there were no formal Spanish courses being taught or meetup or professional groups. Women played a traditional role in society. I often felt isolated.
Each person’s experience is unique, and there are no hard and fast timetables to adjusting to your new life. But, there are tools and strategies that make this process faster and easier. This incredible experience is as much personal as it is geographic; your journey will be defined by how you react to the more challenging moments.
My next chapter begins with our move to Oaxaca, which presented an entirely new set of challenges and experiences that will stay with me for a lifetime.
We are living in bold times. Where what we imagine is no longer imaginary; it’s reality. With the speed of technology and constantly changing competitive landscapes, organizations need to be innovative, in front of trends and intimately involved with their customers. They need smart, emotionally intelligent, critical thinkers, who are passionate about what they do. Not afraid to take risks, fail and learn – Not afraid to challenge the status quo, not afraid to ask for change…
I hear leaders echo these sentiments, or at least some combination of them, yet they exist in companies that struggle to create the conditions necessary to retain the kind of talent they are looking for. Their culture is perfectly designed to behave the way it is behaving perfectly. And then, I hear leaders tell their organizations things like this:
“I’ve said it before we have a fantastic team, and I am truly impressed by the behavior, the dedication… We have a culture of honesty… I want to retain all those elements while creating conditions to improve…”
The Ugly Truth
Lipstick on a Donkey. Why is it so hard to be honest? If you want a company culture designed to attract, retain and grow smart, emotionally intelligent, critical thinkers who are passionate about what they do, then you need to treat them as smart, emotionally intelligent, critical thinkers, who passionately understand that shade of lipstick just isn’t working.
They also are not afraid of looking at the donkey without lipstick. They are not afraid to examine the culture, the beliefs, behaviors, habits and rituals… They want to change the conditions.
What do we mean by conditions?
These are choices we make about policy, process, organization design and talent that either make your desired company culturepossible or make your desired culture impossible. It shapes how people in the organization lead, manage and work. It is the difference between a company positioned to grow and one that staggers and fails.
Imagine any one of these commonly talked about values below represents what you desire in your culture.
Collaboration
Innovation
Courage
Speed
Now, ask yourself: What would need to be true in order for these values to exist? What are the obstacles that make living that culture impossible? What belief is behind the policy choice, process choice, or talent choice?
Now, let’s examine one.
Collaboration
What makes collaboration important in this culture? Why, where, when, how and who needs to collaborate? The Why is most important. You may discover that collaboration is not an enabler for success in the type of company you have. It may conflict with another value you have. Do you have systems and processes that support collaboration? Are you designed to work as teams? If not, do individuals have the similar priorities and objectives? Do they have enough shared interest to invest themselves in collaboration? Do you have talent in your organization that likes to collaborate, or is that profile non-existent? Does your talent have the skills to collaborate effectively? Do they have a healthy relationship with conflicting ideas?
I think you get where this is going. Take a value and get curious. Figure out what the implication is to how you lead, how you manage and how you work. Then, identify if this value really fits with what you are trying to do as a company. Does it enable you to achieve your strategy, or is it less important than something else?
You made it happen. You are now living abroad. You have deftly completed the tasks on a long checklist from having a garage sale back home to figuring out how to open an electricity account in your new home country. You maintained a brave face so far, as the journey that has been paved with twists, turns and the occasional bump in the road. Some you anticipated; others, not so much. Or… maybe you dream of living abroad someday, or just arrived to your new country, or perhaps a few years into your new reality. No matter where you are in the expatriate journey, an understanding of the stages of the expatriate integration process will help to serve as a guide throughout your experience.
Pre-departure: Am I really doing this?
As you prepare for the departure date, you are mixed with feelings of excitement, sadness and a fair bit of exhaustion, as you try to tie up the innumerable loose ends. Bittersweet conversations with friends who are so excited for you, the awkward feeling of goodbyes and your internal realization – this chapter of life is coming to an end. You are surprised by the strength of the occasional wave of emotions you feel, but you put your game face on, board the plane and jump into a new reality.
Honeymoon: Vacations never felt like this
Your expatriate journey begins with the honeymoon stage, where you are constantly stimulated by a barrage of new experiences: sights, sounds and smells that feed your insatiable curiosity. Your excitement is palpable as you explore your new environs and carry out everyday tasks. You are left with the same thought over and over: “Wow, this is where I live?” You are truly impressed with yourself and how you have handled this momentous shift; however, the initial elation ebbs after the first month or so as uncertainty shows itself from under your adrenaline-filled armor.
Culture Shock: Is this really happening?
The “newness” of your transplant home is wearing off, and some of the same things you found so intriguing a few weeks ago now grate on your nerves. It starts slow, but builds as you increasingly can’t help but question the seemingly illogical way things are done, comparing them to the “way they do it back home.” You feel fatigued trying to communicate in a new language and successfully navigate the cultural labyrinth without offending the locals. Minor frustrations build inside you until you feel anger boiling beneath your trying-to-be-calm exterior. You probably thought it would not happen to you, but you have entered the second phase – you are in “culture shock.” Don’t be discouraged; everyone has these feelings to different degrees, but the way you cope in the face of these challenges will define your expatriate experience.
Transformation: Finding your groove
The transformation stage is longer than the culture shock stage, but with some time, frustration and longing for something familiar are replaced with a true appreciation of the lifestyle and culture of your new country… You are becoming an expat. To make this transition much easier, there are important coping activities and tools that you can practice and utilize. For example, you should establish new routines, introduce yourself to your neighbors, make new friends (not just other expats!), and participate in local activities (clubs, events, celebrations, sporting events, etc). This transformative stage will be an incredibly rewarding process as you learn and experience the cultural richness of your new home empowering you with a deeper understanding of your own cultural identity.
Integration: A whole new reality
You have accepted and embraced your new lifestyle by successfully bridging the cultural chasm that once existed. While you will never be a native, you have transformed yourself into an expatriate, a citizen of the world. There will be the occasional frustration, but all in all, you are generally happy and at ease in your new life. Some expats will never reach the final stage as they remain stuck in the transformative stage, isolated and unwilling to accept and embrace the cultural nuances of their host country. Others take it to the other extreme rejecting their own culture, which can be equally divisive to long-term happiness. For expats on short-term assignments, achieving full-integration poses to be a challenge since often they leave while in the Culture Shock or Transformation stage.
While standard “cross-cultural training” programs and off-the-shelf “fact sheets” on particular countries provide value, they do not fully prepare one for the array of personal and professional challenges associated with relocation abroad. Early on in my expatriate experience, I wish I would have experienced the power of coaching. I enlisted a coach mid-way. Here’s what I found (and now practice): “the power of coaching provides a personalized approach that makes it possible for you to rediscover your identity and allows you to engage your healthy sense of curiosity to become a contributing member and leader within your new community and workplace.” This changed everything for me.
Each person’s experience is unique, and there are no hard and fast timetables to adjusting to your new life, but there are tools and strategies that make this process faster and easier. This incredible experience is as much personal as it is geographic; your journey will be defined by how you react to the more challenging moments.
Stay tuned for Part II, the author’s personal expatriate experience….
About the Author:
Michelle Sullivan is co-founder and Managing Partner of Dragonfly Consultants and is an expert in Cross-Cultural Communication. As an executive coach, she works with individuals and organizations in the areas of Expatriate, Repatriate and Intercultural challenges. Michelle is Certified in Human Synergistics Organizational Culture model (OCI) and tools and leverages Hofstede’s Cultural Dimensions in her coaching and leadership work with her clients.
Michelle holds and MS in Global Business & Leadership and has guest lectured at the University of San Diego on the topic of working in cross-cultural teams and abroad.
She’s held corporate leadership roles in global environments for over 20 years and lived, worked and studied in Mexico, Argentina, Ireland and France – living in five countries in six years with her husband, who is a dual US/Irish citizen. Michelle currently splits her time between California and Mexico.
My Name is on the Label: (My name is courage. My name is math whiz. My name is loser. My name is fat. My name is old. My name is strength.)
Let’s start with something simple: Math. For many years, math and science were the domain of men. Girls grew up believing they were not supposed to be good at Math. They were encouraged into Language Arts, Social Science and History. And this twentieth century cultural phenomenon created a generation of women who believe they have no aptitude for Math. The most important word here is “believe.” Because, we know the truth is that women can do Math!
I was that generation. Until 11th grade, I always received good grades in math. But, I grew up with the idea that I should be good at English, History and Social Science, not that I could be an engineer or a scientist or a mathematician. On the other hand, I also grew up with a mother who worked and broke barriers for women entering the workforce. So… I also believed I could have a career; I could be successful. Ultimately, I am happy with my career path. However, I can’t help but wonder how my generation contributed to the void in STEM careers for women.
We are influenced on many different levels to wear labels that shape who we are. Like the example above, there is a cultural/societal element. There is also family. And finally, there is our genetic blueprint. All of which create the complexity of who we are and the narrative in which we live.
Some of these labels we wear proudly and boldly; others work quietly in the background. They sometimes work together harmoniously, but often they undermine each other. They feed the voices of our inner critic. And they become the affirmations that foster our positive mental energy that allow us to move out of our comfort zones. The question we have to ask is: What labels are you living with today? How are they influencing your choices and decisions?
Are they stopping you from doing or being what you want to do or be?
Or
Are they enabling you to defy your own expectations ?
About the author: Adrienne Seal is a co-founder and Managing Partner of Dragonfly Consultants. She is an ICF professional certified coach. She is known and appreciated for her insight into human nature and team dynamics and her thoughtfulness and innovative approaches to coaching, organization effectiveness and culture transformation.
Power and Poise: When you see a dragonfly in flight, one understands that power is not a force, but an energy that when used positively and in the possession of poise, gets results.
With leadership comes power. With power often comes distance, as if the energy of power is too formidable to touch or get close to.
I have worked with leaders who, with each promotion felt an ever-increasing distance with the people in their organizations. Their direct reports, once peers are now looking up, immediately experiencing that distance. Eventually they find themselves lonely at the top, with few they can confide in, even amongst their peers. The distance is palpable for both the leader and the organization.
In many organizations, this distance is per design. Based in the belief that one can-not lead without some professional distance in order to make objective and sometimes unpopular choices or decisions. It is so deeply held that it happens naturally.
My client, a recently promoted Vice President, explained it this way, “I walked out of my new office with a view of the city and the hallways became quieter. People I have known for years waited for me to talk to them. There was a different, more formal energy in the air. I suddenly realized I had power.”
Position power can be a heady experience. Left in the head, the ego can take over resulting in command and control behavior. These organizations create vacuums that suck the passion and inspiration out of their employees. Employees are powerless, and it becomes the role of the leader to empower them, again creating a reinforcement of ego involved position power.
But if we think of power as the energy that moves us forward, that wakes us up, it can shift the role of leadership. Power does not have to be formidable but instead can be a channel to energize not deplete or suck the life out of the organization. Poise, defined as the state of consciousness, awareness and calm that allows leaders to find their center of balance brings a new dimension to power and what it means as a leader. Power and Poise combined create a connection between the head, the heart, and the feet firmly on the ground. Wendy Palmer and Janet Crawford write in their book “Leadership Embodiment”, “This level of clarity and commitment springs from a unification and alignment of Head, Heart and Core that is represented in the synchronization of all aspects of motion, and deep desire to act on the behalf of others.”
When we work with clients on these concepts, we begin with helping our clients become comfortable with the word power. We have them explore what it means for them to be a leader, and what is at the core of what they stand for. It is the differentiation between thinking about what is expected of me as a leader, to who I am as a leader. It is the difference between being awarded power and possessing power. It is power emanating from the heart.
What does this mean for a leader and distance? My client the newly promoted VP, surprised by the cooler reception, became very clear about creating an organization of support. Focusing her leadership energy on building community, trust and strength. Understanding that her leadership is at the center, not the top. She shifted her energy to creating emotional connection, versus detached space. This expansive way of leading is no longer about status or level or position, but about a true and core belief that we are all in this together.
“Remember that poise and power are inseparably associated. The calm and balanced mind is the strong and great mind; the hurried and agitated mind is the weak one.” Wallace D Wattles
The role of the leader who possesses Power and Poise is to stay connected to purpose, be present and centered while creating energy to move forward with the company and creativity of others, have the humility to know that while they possess power, they do so with gratitude, and they do not take themselves so seriously that they lose sight of what is truly meaningful.
Leadership is a topic that has been studied and debated for centuries, and simply one definition of leadership would not suffice. There are distinguishing differences between a manager, leader, and an effective leader, but they are not mutually exclusive. Over time, leadership styles have changed to adapt from a stability model to change and crisis leadership; some willingly and some hesitantly. The greatest leaders are high influencers, relationship builders at all levels, and are highly adaptable to diverse situations and personalities and can be extroverted or introverted. Effective leaders exhibit an advanced level of emotional and contextual intelligence, and encompass both management and leadership competencies.
To lead high-performing teams, you must first create a motivated team. Many managers do not realize that directive and authoritative leadership is not effective in the modern business world and is counter-productive. I believe that we are people, not workers, or simply a number, and in order for an organization to be profitable and competitive, it needs to be high performing. In the long-term, leading out of fear in an environment of low morale will not prevail. Employees need to be motivated to be high performing, and in order to accomplish this, the organization needs to employ effective leaders – leaders who “lead by example, who walk the talk.”
Effective leaders know how to adapt to each employee and understand if intrinsic or extrinsic rewards motivate them. One employee may be motivated by an increase in salary whereas other employees may be motivated by recognition for a job well done. Once the motivating factors are determined based on dialogue with your employees, you need to create a personal development plan, which should include incremental goals. The key is to create a “great place to work” where everyone looks forward to coming to work, feeling their work has a sense of purpose and meaning. Once there is a positive work culture, even menial tasks are not looked upon as loathsome.
I have been in situations where morale has been exceptionally low due to several factors such as previous poor leadership, mistrust, downsizing (“do more with less”), bureaucracy, unethical business practices, etc., and I have introduced several methods that were effective. Team building is one of the first steps to creating a motivated workforce. Depending on the team location and culture, determine an exercise that will take the employees offsite, out of their comfort zone, and engaged in interactive activities. In the case where there may be teammates who are known to have interpersonal issues between each other, I suggest pairing them together for a fun activity. It is amazing what an impact icebreakers can have on easing the tension. This allows individuals to view each other in a positive perspective that they perhaps never had up until this point. In my experience, if there are issues in the future, they will be more mindful and not as emotionally reactive; they will become better team players.
In instances where teams consist of varying cultures, it is important to provide cross-cultural training. This helps reduce misunderstandings and how to effectively work with other cultures. For example, as an American working with China, I know that in a meeting, I will have to directly engage with individuals who are below me in position or if their manager is in the meeting. Their culture is not to be forthright even if there is an issue, so I know that I cannot expect them to openly discuss an issue or debate with a superior.
I also established 1:1’s where I would meet regularly with people on my team to have an open discussion in addition to setting and tracking goals and development plans. As a follower, this was tremendously beneficial for me to have with my managers. Depending on the team and employee, I suggest meeting weekly or bi-weekly for 30 minutes to an hour at set times to ensure they do occur. I also encourage you to get creative. Think about taking a “walking meeting.” Not only is this a healthy option, it creates a more informal setting that may foster deeper and more creative discussions.
To keep the team engaged, either creating or revisiting the mission and as a team through participative decision-making is optimal, and having regular team building sessions (quarterly or bi-annually depending on the situation) will ensure this is executed. This is in addition to regularly scheduled team meetings, which should be held weekly or bi-weekly.
In summary, ask yourself, are you an effective leader who is capable of being adaptable, open-minded, and willing to change? Are you truly leading by example? You have more influence than you may realize.
I used to think Older gets older as you get older was just a saying and maybe a way to justify the aging process. Now that I am in my 50’s I realize it is not just a justification. I have begun to notice the women around me. Not the under 40’s. I see them everyday, the world is designed for under 40. They are more than visible, but the ever increasing and invisible beauty of the other half of life.
It started in my Pilates class where I could almost declare myself as youthful (at almost 54). Daughters of the 1970’s fitness revolution, some now in their 80’s (Thank you Jane Fonda and Cher), surrounded me.
Class sounds like this, instructor: “I am going to show you several ways to do this exercise, if you have osteoporosis …if you need more of a challenge…”
I haven’t enjoyed a class more. We laugh, we smile at each other, and we connect across the room. There is something magical in being with these women who keep it going and show me there continues to be so much more…
So older does get older. There is always a woman I look forward to being like 10 years senior to me. I noticed them at Pilates, and I now see them everywhere. Look and they become visible. They radiate beauty, wisdom and emotional strength that only come’s after living an experienced life.
Suddenly I find it difficult to define the middle in middle age, when so many women are choosing to defy it. Many are reinventing themselves. Choosing and changing careers, finding their calling and trading in their retirement for purposeful work.
Jane Pauley, recently cited in the Huffington Post has traded in her journalism career for a public speaking career specifically helping women over 50 reinvent themselves.
Pauley; “Women… are leaning in after 50. They give me hope that as we get older, that my generation may finally redeem our youthful promise and inspire every generation to see themselves and their future in power and positive new ways.”
I realized many of the women I admire most, went through some kind of transformation or reinvention of their careers later in life. Including my mother. In her late 40’s she completed her MSW, became a well-respected and celebrated social worker and author, and continued her career well into her late 70’s. Hilary Clinton, whose post law career has included 1st lady, senator, secretary of state and possibly President has not hit the pause button.
It seems women’s midlife crises has something to do with kick-starting change that often includes taking career risks, following their passion and making a difference. Not to say they didn’t before the age of 50, but many make a trade in their careers, moving away from something and moving toward something else, recognizing that they desire and need something different out of their lives. I believe recognizing we are on the downslope makes life precious, yet at the same time we are not ready to slow down. We become comfortable trusting our experience and wisdom to guide us down the right path. Our choices are about how we want to live and what we want to accomplish inclusive of career, quality of life, family and overall happiness.
“If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.”
I spent this summer in France and had many conversations with friends around our business idea. While explaining what we were trying to achieve, I was very keen to mention that our mission was not to fight for women’s rights but to take an approach where we help recognize that men and women are different.
It is common knowledge that “men do not listen and women cannot read maps” . Our brains just do not function in the same way. And as long as scientists have not found a way for men to carry children, I would say our bodies work pretty differently too. There are of course always exceptions, but when a male friend is actually a good listener, I often hear you say he has a “strong female side”!
So why, when we all know that we think, function, live and love differently, are we expected to work the same way?
Women can multi-task, listen, support each other and according to a UK survey tend to have more warmth, sensitivity and apprehension then men. As per the same survey, men have more emotional stability, dominance, rule-consciousness and vigilance.
There are currently a lot of discussions around how to support women’s access to leadership positions. The common assumption is that women are the victim of gender discrimination which I have experienced myself throughout my career. But how much of that discrimination comes from lack of understanding and comprehension versus a conscious intend to put women down?
Sheryl Sandberg in her book “Lean in”, mentions how successful female leaders are usually disliked in the corporate world. They usually demonstrate male attributes which are not expected from a woman. The question I have is why do women need to have male attributes to succeed in their career? Is the business world so dominated by men that there is only way to climb the ladder, and that is to behave like a man?
I realize that everyone is different and that some women have more male qualities which help them succeed in today’s business environment. I also believe there is a way for women who are less dominant, vocal or outwardly confident to succeed because of other leadership qualities we have long forgotten to recognize in our current male dominated world. I believe we can change business cultures so male and female leaders can learn to recognize those attributes and reward them as they are equally important to the success of a team, a division or the entire organization.
A woman who might come across as being shy or more reserved than a man, but who has the ability to generate trust, connect people together and be a role model when it comes to work ethics will be able to lead a team very effectively. She will be able to inspire others and generate cohesion within her team. A woman with less of an ego will have the ability to recognize talents, develop them and help them rise without feeling threatened. There is also a high probability if that same woman is recognized and her qualities acknowledged, that she will become more confident and therefore more vocal.
A woman who can juggle work, family, friends, sport, and hobbies will be a huge asset to your company, as she will certainly be able to exercise the same skills within her role, if you let her.
I believe there is a way for each company to create a culture where gender differences are understood, respected and embraced. Businesses taking that step should be able to generate higher profitability. After all, it has been proven that happiness increases productivity!
Heroism is defined by the dictionary in terms of bravery, fearlessness, courage, valor, audacity…but what strikes me about all those words is to have it one must begin by having a deep, heartfelt belief in something. And the expression of that belief is the manifestation of integrity.
I recently watched Snow White and the Huntsman, a fresh and more adult version of the classic Disney icon Snow White. The transformation of a princess included a complete makeover, which on the surface included a change in style and image from beautiful, maternal, sweet, innocent, caretaker to beautiful, tough, gritty, fearless, courageous, warrior. But even more important was the change in her character.
In both stories the Queen is all powerful, and seeking to maintain control at any cost, with minions who do her bidding or die if they fail. In “old” Disney, our princess is lost and finds purpose in the caretaking of the dwarfs, and is rescued by true love’s kiss, living happily ever after. In the modern version, she escapes prison, takes on a cause, inspires faith in the cause, and becomes the cause, it lives and breathes as one with her…true love’s kiss is not the answer, but a reminder of her virtues, why we all love her…she lives with integrity, and the kingdom lives happily ever after…that was a mouthful.
Arguably, both princesses have integrity, live their truth, but only the modern princess combines it with heroism. Making bold moves, using her integrity to move through her fears and find her confidence.
Maybe we can take a page from this version of the fairytale and apply it to women who are looking to change the conversation about living a complete life without fear, or guilt. We have been living shackled inside our own Evil Queens tower. Time to break free, and speak from the heart. We know today, that it is difficult to live with integrity when our employers ask us to compromise on our values, expecting us to sacrifice family/community to work. Or vice versa, our families/communities demands have us sacrifice careers that we have worked hard to aspire to and feel proud of. Many of us believe this does not have to be win/lose. But we are afraid to make a bold step, we are afraid we won’t be taken seriously. But I advocate that if you have integrity, and you are want to live your truth, even if you stumble it’s worth taking that step.
Disney’s makeover of its fictional princesses to be bold, fearless virtuous leaders is a sign of the times. If we want to teach our daughters to become virtuous leaders, then it’s time those role models are not fictional.
I, then, went to a basketball game with the owner of the casa that we rented and attended a birthday party with his family afterward. When we arrived, I was offered a cerveza, and I accepted. I sat with the women (women and men socialized separately), and was the only female drinking. I later realized that the attendance of the basketball game with the husband was not a cultural norm and that in that social circle, women typically 
However, I realized it was important to get into a routine. Since India was a core part of my team, we rotated who shared the burden of night meetings every month. My manager would check-in to make sure that I took a break in the afternoon on nights we had to work. I would take a hike, then go the gym or bicycle in Tarahumaran country (Tarahumaran Indians are known as the ultra-marathon “runners” who Nike discovered). Notice a theme – an organizational culture, leadership, and teammates that supported not only my situation but were aware of other’s situations. In India, some people took a bus two hours to work each day, women needed safe transport to work, and the monsoon season caused electrical and internet outages. I now had something in common with my counterparts there. I had empathy.
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